Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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