Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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