I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
