cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
