found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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