I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
