he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
