i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize