I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
