I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
