I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize