So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
