Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
