I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize