Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
