Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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