i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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