I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
