I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
