Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
