I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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