the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
