Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize