Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
