So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry my hands just texted you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
