Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
