But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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