I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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