i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Acid is not a monday night drug
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
