I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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