then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
