I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize