im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
