Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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