If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
