yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize