even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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