I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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