A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
