hotel room ftw
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
