I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
