woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
