8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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