White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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