I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
