I could make wine with my vomit
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
