Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up under a house in Key West
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