so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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