why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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