He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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