Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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