He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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