Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
