I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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