There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
