i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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