Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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