hotel room ftw
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize