nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
