Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
