it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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