Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
