oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize