Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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