Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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