hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
