The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
