I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
