so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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