I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
