I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
