I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
